Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
