I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
