thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
