my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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