he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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