I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.