We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
