I just threw up on my dentist
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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