Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
