I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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