totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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