sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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