Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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