You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
