lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i believe in u and ur pee
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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