You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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