You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
