If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays