I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
...so i touched it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird