fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters