hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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