When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize