If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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