and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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