i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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