My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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