Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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