My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
that's an acceptable place to lick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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