My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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