I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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