break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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