Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
