so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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