I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize