Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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