He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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