Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She needs sedatives and a leash
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups