Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious