i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.