Pants 0. Shit 1.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.