I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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