I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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