I faked an abortion last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
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I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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