you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
