considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
