I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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