the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
