Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
