I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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