I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
