i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
