Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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