Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
