you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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