my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize