so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
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Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.