3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.