Me. At least after what I've been through.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.